More Pain and More Confucion

i am depressed

i think its the culmination of everything--- my career my life my home my lack there of having a home of my own -- the lack of "real" reasposibility i dont know maybe it was an excuse i gave myself to justify my horniness.. and now that im "alone" i dont want anyone but my ex--- huh ironic this life is... i do want to get back with her -- or maybe i dont and think i do b/c of the way i am feeling lately- --- no more great adventure theme park with her no more beaches with her no more movies with her no more dinners with her no more kissing her lips her perfect lips.. i am just feeling down very down and thinking of what you said about not making or knocking on the right doors/opportunities -- is my justification of pussy the only thing that is leading me to make a decission like this one... i dont know why -- i feeel like i dont want to leave her but my gut is telling me to go-- or am i assuming the gut feeling ---to justify -- i want to fuck -- my girl i thought i wanted another -- but i think of the arguments we had the fights... and now i dont nkow if its whati want.. i think of the good times and i get down and depressed and i feel alone and lonely but then wheni think of the bad i think of the presure thats not on me b/c we arent together... dam the confusion....


wouldnt it be nice if love came with a rule book or a how to guide or a be carefull manual --- it would make things easier...