More Pain and More Confucion

i am depressed

i think its the culmination of everything--- my career my life my home my lack there of having a home of my own -- the lack of "real" reasposibility i dont know maybe it was an excuse i gave myself to justify my horniness.. and now that im "alone" i dont want anyone but my ex--- huh ironic this life is... i do want to get back with her -- or maybe i dont and think i do b/c of the way i am feeling lately- --- no more great adventure theme park with her no more beaches with her no more movies with her no more dinners with her no more kissing her lips her perfect lips.. i am just feeling down very down and thinking of what you said about not making or knocking on the right doors/opportunities -- is my justification of pussy the only thing that is leading me to make a decission like this one... i dont know why -- i feeel like i dont want to leave her but my gut is telling me to go-- or am i assuming the gut feeling ---to justify -- i want to fuck -- my girl i thought i wanted another -- but i think of the arguments we had the fights... and now i dont nkow if its whati want.. i think of the good times and i get down and depressed and i feel alone and lonely but then wheni think of the bad i think of the presure thats not on me b/c we arent together... dam the confusion....


wouldnt it be nice if love came with a rule book or a how to guide or a be carefull manual --- it would make things easier...

The Settlement of emotions

they do subside--- but as those emotions and feelings
start to go down others start to creep up -- up from the
bottom of already tired soul... it needs to feed it needs
to prowl and find its next victim, shhh the sweetest of
the preciouse of all the juices... hmmmmm he can already
feel it, the touch of the her new skin the new glaze in
her eyes the the smell of her breath on my neck , her
finger tips caressing my chest my finger tips caressing
hers...feel her new tongue around my cock, huh its
comming back to me now -- but does it b/c of the lack
of the old emotion lol or is it the lack of something else...
the urge is growing and the urge cant be stopped... it
will only keep on and on until it gets what it needs... it
has now fear it has no care it just wants... and if yo
have what it wants --- i pitty you for you are the one
who is going to enjoy the pain provided by him... his
urge in your deepest thought...lol now you want it and
him , but why him........he gave you the urge, the want
the feeling the sense of full lose of reality and the only
thing you know is that you want...
you want it --- the urge --- him --- me