My life

well well well

the time has come for me to work.... i finally got m,y own computer.. my head is still lost w/ relationships and i am getting hornier and hornier by the second. but i got my computer...its as good as getting a new car

The Break Up

Fuckin Unfortunate Find Of Just Dumb Luck

i ma talking about hooking up with other people
and it makes perfect sense but i dont see a reason why i should or even break up.. i love her with everything i dont want to see her hurt or do something foolish if i break up w/ her and i dont want her finding out i cheated on her (if i did)which i didnt .. yet ... maybe???

maybe it is something that isnt fullfilling me.. to be honest she doeant do it for me there..not down there..up there, and she has been making a large effort to inprove..i dont know if i have caused this type of character change inher, but thats the last thing i awnted to do .. iwant her to stay who she is,, changing for me is tooo slefish of me to ask..

i mean all my life ever since i was interested in the female species i have always managed to get myself involved with older females which made me kind of mature quicker than what wouldhave been normal, but i dont blame them or myself, i just think what is missing is some maturity....maybe i need to mature.. maybe im the child.

this is what she found, this is what caused the rbeak up.. i know she didnt mean to look

thru my shit but like she said maybe it was ment ot be found.... i dont know if breaking

up was the ebst thing to do but i felt that i had to..for me or for her but maybe all that

i am doing is justyfing the way i feel :

confused.

tired.

relentless,

to find the reason

but i dont know what im looknig for..

was it the right thing to do?

i dont know.

is the hurt bottomless?

but it still feels like a dream;

sureal like 911 when your standing

so close but yet far enough to see the

emencity of the whole

i feel bad -

like i made a mistake; was it?!?!

ha life is the funniest thing

the irony is thick and rich in its vealed happyness

the lonelinesss that it will bring; hope will end.

{ maybe im in a dream waiting impatiently to awke }

AS I WALK THROUGH THE VALLEY OF THE SHADOWS OF DEATH I FEAR NO ONE